I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
