Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
