Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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