booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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