just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Drunk is a universal language darling
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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