What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
