Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
