I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
