did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
