Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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