And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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