"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
