Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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