Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!