I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.