Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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