Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
