I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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