I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
