mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
