he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
