eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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