Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
