I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
