If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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