It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
