so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
