Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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