bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
