you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
