GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
