you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
