I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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