taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
