I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's paint friendship bongs
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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