Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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