I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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