I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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