I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize