My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
