***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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