her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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