I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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