never play flip cup with pint glasses
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Damn victory sex feels great
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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