if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
