Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
