i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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