Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
