I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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