reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
