I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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