did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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