Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
