I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
