just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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