Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
