after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
