yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
