i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
