dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
